After living alone and single for a good few weeks now, cabin fever has started to set in. I don’t really have many friends and I work from home. Other than my trip to the gym every other day and the occasional drive to Qdoba for some grub, I don’t exactly get out a whole lot.

After noticing that I’m ranked 6,224th in the world at playing NHL 2009 on Xbox Live and how many dirty text messages I have been exchanging with my ex girlfriend, I realized I have no life.

So, how does one analyze if they indeed have no life? Let’s use my life as a reference…

Have you logged more than 20 hours of Xbox Live this week?
I probably could have slid by under the radar on this one if it wasn’t for that damn Netflix app on Xbox Live. Actually, I’m not sure how many hours I play NHL in a week, and it’d probably be better for my self esteem if I kept not keeping track.

Do you ever go to the movie theater alone?
I like movies and I hate dealing with making plans with people. I used to be embarrassed, but I’ve gotten over being the only person in the theater that didn’t go there with someone. Try it.

Do you watch re-runs of sitcoms on TBS all day?
I work from home. I like to have the TV on. If the TV is off I feel closed off from the outside world. Re-runs of Home Improvement, Yes Dear, King of Queens, and Everybody Loves Raymond – yes in that order – on a daily basis help me work through the day.

Have you hung out with your mom more than once in the last week?
Give me a break on this one. She broke her foot. I’ve been watching movies with her and making TV dinners.

Did you wake up past noon more than 4 times in the last week?
I’m not sure, but I know didn’t wake up before 11:30am once all week. Wow. That’s only acceptable for strippers and security guards.

Did you break up with your girlfriend, but now continue to confuse the situation by exchanging dirty text messages?
No comment.

Learn from my no-life, life, my friends. Take the above questions and make sure you can answer NO to all of them. If you can’t answer no to them, there is a probably a good chance you have no life! That’s the shitty truth. Welcome to the club.