I was sitting at home on the couch debating whether I wanted to blog or turn on the Xbox.  With this becoming a typical night in my “shitty truth” household, I decided to whip out the Sony Vaio and get to the fucking blogging. The truth is, my friends, I have a very important epiphany…

I have no game.

You probably aren’t wondering, but you just might be wondering what I mean by game. Yes, by game, I’m referring to the art of picking up chicks.  I’ve lived in my new house for a few weeks now and no female has ever seen the inside.  I almost had one female visitor, but my mother broke her foot and she is confined to her own house for awhile.  That equals absolutely zero female visitors for me.

Well, it may come as a surprise to you, but my sudden lack of game isn’t just happening now.  Believe it or not, four years ago I was also single and had no game.  Actually back then, in the high school days, I would say had “limited” game.

So why did I have this sudden epiphany on the couch?

My limited game mostly took place on the couch.  In my lifetime, I’ve had sex with a whopping seven girls – If my ex-girlfriend asks, please remember to tell her it’s six, not seven.  Now, the first time I kissed four of these seven girls, I was on a couch.

Realizing this makes me see that I have an agenda! I actually used to have a methodical way of getting with girls… Lame, but methodical.  I would sit for hours on the couch, usually watching a movie from blockbuster, slowly inching closer and closer, waiting until I was absolutely sure if I went in I wouldn’t get rejected.

Even so, I was still a little bitch about it.  Why did it take me hours to pull it off?  Why was I so nervous?

A girl and a boy are sitting on a couch. They are alone.  They have the entire couch, yet they both have non-verbally agreed to be sitting so close to each other, they are now touching. Why the fuck would it take me hours to see this as a green light to go in for a lousy kiss?

The girls would always know the kiss is coming, too. Keep in mind when you’re touching someone you always notice if they’re heart is beating abnormally fast.  It’s no secret!  Shit is about to go down!

My heart was always racing a mile a minute while watching some shit movie.  But you know what?  When I went for it, I closed the deal 100% of the time.  That’s a good stat I can hold dear to my heart.

I hope that everyone out there can avoid following my lead, but if you are really that desperate and have no hope of sleeping with a girl, I can help you devise a simple plan that is sure to work.  Become friends.  Invite her over to watch a movie.  Sit with her. Wait hours for her to give you a green light. Take advantage of the green light.

Now you may not get a green light, but at least you won’t make a fool of yourself.

This may seem like shit advice to most guys out there, but just go ahead and read the title of this blog one more time before you criticize: I HAVE NO GAME.  That’s the shitty truth!

And don’t worry… If you stick with my blog, I will be sure to analyze and give you every detail of my sex life.  This will most likely only consists of a few short posts, but entertaining ones, none the less.