I’m a little confused here.  So, let’s start with turning to dictionary.com for a quick definition.

Ob-ses-sion [uh b-sesh-uh n]
-noun
the domination of one’s thoughts or feelings by a persistent idea, image, desire, etc.

Well I would say that when a thought “dominates” my mind, it means that I just really care about it.  When you really care about something, you feel passionate about it. Now we are getting into a lot less creepy territory.

I would say having an obsession for some things is perfectly healthy and shouldn’t be deemed creepy!

For example, I’d say I’m obsessed with coffee.  Is that creepy?  No!  It’s quite common.  I go to the coffee shop, drink my white mocha, and work on my laptop for a few hours.

With that said, I must tell you that I’ve decided there are some things in life you really should NOT be obsessed with.  From my personal experience, I’ve learned that some things are very unhealthy to obsess over.  If you are currently obsessed with any of the shit that I’m about to share with you, please fucking get over it quickly or seek psychiatric help.

My Top 10 Things You Should Not Be Obsesed With – (in no particular order)

1. Sweater vests
2. Milk
3. Being ranked in the top 10,000 for NHL 09 on Xbox Live
4. Johnny Cash
5. Boot-cut jeans
6. Mexico
7. Your ex-girlfriend
8. A girl that doesn’t know you
9. A stripper you met at the Las Vegas Spearmint Rhino
10. Anyone under the age of 18… okay, 16

I think I want to contradict my opening statement and admit that, after making my list, I can understand how the obsession got its bad rap.  It’s because of “creepy” people like me.

However, I’d say it’s more contributed to the fucking assholes that sit outside elementary schools with binoculars in their vans.  These people do exist.  And if you get nothing else from this post, I hope you can take that to be the shitty truth.

I have no game.

You probably aren’t wondering, but you just might be wondering what I mean by game. Yes, by game, I’m referring to the art of picking up chicks.  I’ve lived in my new house for a few weeks now and no female has ever seen the inside.  I almost had one female visitor, but my mother broke her foot and she is confined to her own house for awhile.  That equals absolutely zero female visitors for me.

Well, it may come as a surprise to you, but my sudden lack of game isn’t just happening now.  Believe it or not, four years ago I was also single and had no game.  Actually back then, in the high school days, I would say had “limited” game.

So why did I have this sudden epiphany on the couch?

My limited game mostly took place on the couch.  In my lifetime, I’ve had sex with a whopping seven girls – If my ex-girlfriend asks, please remember to tell her it’s six, not seven.  Now, the first time I kissed four of these seven girls, I was on a couch.

Realizing this makes me see that I have an agenda! I actually used to have a methodical way of getting with girls… Lame, but methodical.  I would sit for hours on the couch, usually watching a movie from blockbuster, slowly inching closer and closer, waiting until I was absolutely sure if I went in I wouldn’t get rejected.

Even so, I was still a little bitch about it.  Why did it take me hours to pull it off?  Why was I so nervous?

A girl and a boy are sitting on a couch. They are alone.  They have the entire couch, yet they both have non-verbally agreed to be sitting so close to each other, they are now touching. Why the fuck would it take me hours to see this as a green light to go in for a lousy kiss?

The girls would always know the kiss is coming, too. Keep in mind when you’re touching someone you always notice if they’re heart is beating abnormally fast.  It’s no secret!  Shit is about to go down!

My heart was always racing a mile a minute while watching some shit movie.  But you know what?  When I went for it, I closed the deal 100% of the time.  That’s a good stat I can hold dear to my heart.

I hope that everyone out there can avoid following my lead, but if you are really that desperate and have no hope of sleeping with a girl, I can help you devise a simple plan that is sure to work.  Become friends.  Invite her over to watch a movie.  Sit with her. Wait hours for her to give you a green light. Take advantage of the green light.

Now you may not get a green light, but at least you won’t make a fool of yourself.

This may seem like shit advice to most guys out there, but just go ahead and read the title of this blog one more time before you criticize: I HAVE NO GAME.  That’s the shitty truth!

And don’t worry… If you stick with my blog, I will be sure to analyze and give you every detail of my sex life.  This will most likely only consists of a few short posts, but entertaining ones, none the less.

I want to know where all this “thrill of the hunt” bull shit started – And yes, by “hunt,” I’m referring to the quest for vagina. I do enjoy the presence of an attractive woman followed by some inevitable sex, but I wouldn’t want this process, or “hunt,” to be strung out over a long period of time. Fuck that.

I have a very simplistic mindset. I want to have sex with you, not pursue you. So stop teasing and let’s fucking do it all ready.

How many times have you been talking to a girl and they act like they know so much about you and all men, and they couldn’t be any more wrong? But for some reason, you find yourself going with the conversation and not arguing with them.

Girls think they understand guys and we don’t care enough to tell them they’re idiots… not because we don’t have the heart, but because we want to fuck them… That’s the shitty truth.

In my mind I imagine the gym to be a place that could potentially be swarming with beautiful, fit women. After three weeks of actually sticking to my program at the gym, I can tell you that this is actually a reality. Not to say that there aren’t a lot of “undesirables,” as well, but I can tell you the percentages are better than my local grocery store. The gym is filled with hot women, plain and simple. I can’t even pick a treadmill without my brain subconsciously scouting the area out for one near a tight ass.

With that said, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and I’ve decided that the gym is the worst place to attempt picking up women. Why? Let me tell you.

Competition
It’s only fitting that a place filled with beautiful, fit women would also be filled with guys that could take my ass out in any fist fight. I’m short and average, while my potential competition would be tall and ripped out of their fucking minds.

In the real world where muscles are covered by several layers of clothes and personality actually peaks its way into the mix, I might actually stand a chance. At the gym, it’s all about the looks, and the shitty truth is I don’t have ‘em.

Awkwardness
It’s hard to imagine, but I dare to think that it may be possible that women don’t have the same thoughts as I do when they’re at the gym. Is it possible that women aren’t scouting the floors for a potential fuck buddy when choosing place to do bicep curls with their 5lb dumbbells?

I’d say it’s quite possible this is the case. And thus, we risk the awkwardness of approaching someone who absolutely doesn’t want to be approached. Girls at the gym look so fucking serious all the time. Have you ever seen a girl working out at the gym that didn’t look like a bitch?

Rejection
Combine the competition of all the guys around that easily emasculate me with the awkwardness of smoking hot women that don’t want to be approached and there is a simple formula that adds up to rejection.

I supposed your average tool bag doesn’t give a shit about rejection. These guys go girl to girl, woman to woman, shooting their game and not caring that only 10% bite the hook. Unfortunately that’s not me. Maybe if it was, I’d get a lot more pune.

But I’ve only been in the singles game for a few weeks, so for now I’ll avoid being a douche bag. But maybe being a douche bag is what I will eventually become or already am… Who the hell knows? I haven’t figured it out yet. Maybe that’s the shitty truth, but only time will tell, my friends.

After noticing that I’m ranked 6,224th in the world at playing NHL 2009 on Xbox Live and how many dirty text messages I have been exchanging with my ex girlfriend, I realized I have no life.

So, how does one analyze if they indeed have no life? Let’s use my life as a reference…

Have you logged more than 20 hours of Xbox Live this week?
I probably could have slid by under the radar on this one if it wasn’t for that damn Netflix app on Xbox Live. Actually, I’m not sure how many hours I play NHL in a week, and it’d probably be better for my self esteem if I kept not keeping track.

Do you ever go to the movie theater alone?
I like movies and I hate dealing with making plans with people. I used to be embarrassed, but I’ve gotten over being the only person in the theater that didn’t go there with someone. Try it.

Do you watch re-runs of sitcoms on TBS all day?
I work from home. I like to have the TV on. If the TV is off I feel closed off from the outside world. Re-runs of Home Improvement, Yes Dear, King of Queens, and Everybody Loves Raymond – yes in that order – on a daily basis help me work through the day.

Have you hung out with your mom more than once in the last week?
Give me a break on this one. She broke her foot. I’ve been watching movies with her and making TV dinners.

Did you wake up past noon more than 4 times in the last week?
I’m not sure, but I know didn’t wake up before 11:30am once all week. Wow. That’s only acceptable for strippers and security guards.

Did you break up with your girlfriend, but now continue to confuse the situation by exchanging dirty text messages?
No comment.

Learn from my no-life, life, my friends. Take the above questions and make sure you can answer NO to all of them. If you can’t answer no to them, there is a probably a good chance you have no life! That’s the shitty truth. Welcome to the club.

It might help to understand what this blog is all about if you know a little bit about me.

Who am I?
I majored in a computer-related field in college. In my last semester, I tried really hard to get a job and start a career.  I’m good at what I do and I had a pretty impressive resume. I interviewed all around Los Angeles and got rejected everywhere because of our shit economy. Finally I landed an internship an hour away.  It was going really well until they told me they couldn’t afford to hire me, after all, because of their lack of business in recent months.

I was now only a couple of months from graduating with no steady job lined up.  Through college I had been paying my way with a little at-home business I started and so I decided to keep doing that.  I found a lot more spare time when I started half-assing my classes, and I was able to get the money flowing pretty well.

One day I decided I had to get the fuck out of Los Angeles.  So I bought a house in Washington, where I grew up, and decided I was going to move there after graduation. I graduated in the Spring of 2009, randomly broke up with my girlfriend of four years for no real reason, and moved to Washington to live in a big house by myself with the five pets we had accumulated.

Where am I now?
Now I find myself living alone in this big house in Washington with two dogs, three cats, and an Xbox. I’m bored here.  All the friends I used to have are either gone or aren’t my friends any more.  To be honest my life is shit… but I kind of like it.

So, what the hell is this blog?
Through my experiences and observations, I’m sure I can influence everyone not to follow my lead.  If you want to read some of my posts I will reveal some of life’s shitty truths, as well as provide you with some inspiration on what NOT to do with your life.

Stick with me, friends, and let’s get to the fuckin’ blogging.